Heavy Hands - Heavy Heart

I've been hanging here in the cyber cafe for a few hours, I wanted to get out my Christmas ecards. I can barely type to be honest. For the last week or so my hands have been swollen when I wake up, and sometimes painful to close into a fist. I'm guess this has nothing to do with my liver, so I just ignore it. Even if it did, I'd still ignore it.

Sending out the ecards just reminded me of what time of year it is - the "Helladays". Christmas is just a few days away and it's really starting to wear me down emotionally. All I can think about is what could have been, and what will never be again. I will say I have felt somewhat worse. For me just going cold turkey off my meds I don't feel that bad. I'm more edgy, but the withdrawal wasn't that bad. Then again, with as much as I drink I'm probably less prone to noticing.

I promised myself that by the end of the weekend that I'll have some photos posted of Vegas. One of the few things I have left to my name is my digital camera, and I have no intention of losing that. I'll lose my mind long before I lose that camera - guaranteed.

It's cold out there today, only going to hit 47 today. Well, at least it's not snowing. I still haven't decided on a plan of attack for Christmas yet. I really don't want to be awake for any of it. then I have to deal with New Year's Eve - which is even worse yet. It's bad when you don't feel numb anymore, it's all just pain. I feel as if I was born without skin - everything hurts. But the solace that I have is that one day this will all end, and I can be free from it.