Intervention shock

Last night’s episode of Intervention was a shocker. It was the first time I can remember one of the people involved passed away. The way he (Lawrence Ryan) passed sounds all too familiar to me, as it was something my doctor said to me 3 years ago when she diagnosed me. She said something along the lines of “Well, you can keep drinking, but I really don’t want to see you in the E.R. with a ruptured esophagus – I can’t help you then.” And that’s what killed Lawrence Ryan – a ruptured esophagus. But nonetheless, I had a few gin & tonics and then went home.

Maybe I like to draw comparisons too much with the people on the show, I don’t know. He & I both lived in Las Vegas – he was born there, I moved there. We were both born in October, we both like sports. My condolences go out to his family in no uncertain terms. His obituary can be found here.

My site supervisor asked me if I’d be back from PA, since he knew I was planning on moving back there but went to Myrtle Beach instead. I guess he was wondering if I’d do the same thing again when I was supposed to go back to Myrtle Beach this August. At first I laughed and then said “Yeah, I’ll be back. That is unless there’s a miracle during the time I’m there or something happens to me physically. In either case, I’ll definitely call.” So hopefully that put his fears to rest. I think he’d prefer the miracle, at least he’d know I was completely happy and I’d stop drinking. Miracles can happen, I’m just not counting on it – but hoping – yes.

As for seeing anyone I went to high school with, I feel the same about that situation as I do about things as far as Michele is concerned. I’ve reached out to them, and if they pass I can handle that. I feel as if I’ve done everything I can do as far as they are concerned. I have no more hate or resentment towards them, I’ve owned up to my mistakes and who I was back then. And just for the record, I’ve **never** held any resentment for Michele, or any ill will for that matter and never will.

As my time for the vacation gets closer, the edgier I get. I really want to enjoy myself, but there’s no doubt there’s going to be a few days of emotionally adjusting. But I’ll deal with that the way I always have, with a bottle of something in hand and a cigarette clamped between my teeth. But if I can keep myself busy I might just be ok, but in the evenings – it’s going to be a challenge. But with the physical changes that have happened in the last year, this may be my last trip back & I’d like to think that in some small way I deserve to enjoy it.

And for anyone who cares, tomorrow will be my last post before I go on vacation.