The Monster Grows...

I started this blog as a way to hopefully someday look back on the way things were. In April 2002 I started another blog as a way to document my struggle with my depression, and now it's painful to read. Not because of the depression, but what the condition made me into. Michele always told me that she knew there was a good man inside me, even when I failed her miserably. Truth is, she was right.

For most of my life to that point my depression had turned me into someone else. A mean, hateful bastard to be exact, and my blog from that time reflects that. I hated not only myself, but everyone else. I guess the saying that you can't love someone until you can love yourself is true. I just hope that this blog can show other people that are battling depression not to wait to get help - not make the mistakes I made. And above all, to let them know the condition is treatable, and all you have to do is humble yourself to get help.

That being said, let me get to currents events. I woke up this morning with my depression already waiting for me. It's like being on the fringe of hurricane winds instead of the middle of it. People often make the mistake of saying they feel like they're in the eye of the storm - which in fact is the calmest place to be. I can't say I've made the situation better, I waited until after my anti-anxiety med ran out to request a refill. Add the fact that my doctor's office now requires the pharmacy to fax in a request (which takes up to 48 hours to fill and I called the pharmacy on Friday), and it makes for total disaster.

So put that in with what I'm going through emotionally and it's all a shambles. And New Year's Eve is on the horizon - a very dark horizon at that.