Now What?

It's been over a month since I left back east and I'm running out of cash. Part of me wants to go back, but another, larger part of me wants to stay in Vegas and ride the wave out - whether I make it to shore or wipe out in the process. Going back east would be just that - going back. I'd get there and just get heartsick over Michele and want to leave again eventually. There's really nothing there for me anymore anyway. I have a few friends back there, but the have kids and are married or just have kids. I didn't see them very often anyway when I was there. Besides, I have no place to live. At least here I can manage by doing the casino circuit overnight then going to the YMCA to shower in the morning. I mean, here in Vegas - who really needs a home? You can pretty much be homeless and no one knows.

There hasn't been anyone yet that's asked me if I'm homeless. I pass the same cops every morning and say hi and exchange pleasantries. They have no idea I'm no better than the wino who sleeps in the doorways at night to keep warm. Then again when I left back east I was determined to let no one know I was homeless. It's weird. I remember seeing something on 60 minutes years ago about this woman who was living in her car. She kept clean and wore nice clothes and nobody had a clue she was homeless.

She kept her dignity, that's an admirable trait. The question is, how much longer can I keep shreds of dignity I have left intact?