Reality Hits Hard.

After a few glasses of wine I think I'm ready for a new post. I just finished watching "The Holiday" starring Jack Black, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, & Kate Winslet. It was a movie about people newly broken up and facing the Christmas & New Year's holidays alone. Admittedly, it was probably aimed at women, but I'm man enough to enough I cried more than once during the movie.

Reality hit home big time, and I admit it hurt - **BIG TIME**. Maybe it's the way things are going downhill at work and the "helladays" are breathing down my neck - I dunno. Even 7 years later & for the rest of my life New Year's Eve will always remind me of Michele. I remember the phone call when we set up our first "date". Michele mentioned she had a daughter and wanted to put her to bed before I got to her apartment.

I disagreed and wanted her to let her daughter stay up to seee what her reaction to me would be. It was funny in a way. One day I had picked up her grandmother to take her to Michele's and as I was driving we started to talk. She mentioned to me how Michele had told her she knew I was "the one" the first time I came through the door and how she (her Gramother) had never seen her daughter take to someone like she had to me so quickly.

Her daughter was just like her, the first time I saw her she owned my heart. They both still do. I've always said I'd have Michele whenever she'd have me. And if that simply meant meeting to talk, that's fine with me. The little boy I was back then didn't deserve her or any of her family. But after so many years of tears, struggle, and therapy, the man I am now at least deserves some consideration. I'm a lot closer to the man she saw than I was then, no doubt about it.

And something else that's crossed my mind is going back to Las Vegas. If I can hang in @ work for a few more weeks I get an "extra" check at the beginning of January. That may just be my ticket out - literally. But first I have to see how I handle the holidays - especially New YEar's Eve. I'll have plenty of alcohol on hand and the vicodins. I'm just a little pissed I have to work New Year's Eve day....until 4:30. I have a feeling this going to make anything Britney Spear's has done in the last year or so look tame by comparison.